I realise that I’m a singleton, when my love life or lack of it, is providing hilarity to my work colleagues and married friends, and comfort to my fellow singleton friends. Yes, there are other indicators that I am single, such as an empty space beside me when I wake up in the morning, the looks that attached women give me when I am in the vicinity of their men, my mother bending my ear sometimes daily about the possibility of being left on the shelf, and the fact that almost all of my close friends that are the same age as me are married, married with children, engaged, or in a relationship that will probably lead to all of those things.

I went home last Christmas and got straight on the phone to one of my closest friends. We caught up on all of the gossip and made plans to meet up, and I commented that I was glad that at least she was single like me and could keep me company on the round of evenings with the ‘Couples’. This was greeted with an uncomfortable silence, followed by, ‘I thought you knew that I’m seeing somebody. We’ve been together for a while……….’ I then listened to a glowing report on the gifts and shared moments of their relationship. I felt like I had been kicked in the teeth. Who was going to play with me on my visit home? Even more worrying, what the hell was my mother going to say now?

Many singletons can relate to my plight. One of the cumbersome tasks of daily life has now become fielding enquiries from my mother about men and when I’m going to get married. Every single day of any visit to my mothers is an opportunity for her to lobby me on meeting a man, buying a house and having a baby. This is from the same woman that wanted me to be on my own for as long as possible so that I could appreciate me following the break-up from my ex-fiance. Now I wouldn’t be remotely surprised if she has got posters up all over Dublin saying, ‘Man wanted to marry my daughter. All offers considered. Must be willing to have a child within one year.’

My mother was in a car crash last year, and was very lucky to escape with minimal injuries despite her car being a total write-off, and having to be cut from the car. Naturally we were all relieved that she had minimal lasting injuries, and at first I was worried that maybe she was not letting on how unwell she may be, but my fears were soon calmed by a phone conversation with her. Apparently she realises how lucky she has been and thinks God is watching over her. She said that after the accident she had thought, ‘Oh my God. If I had died you kids would have been orphans’ This is bearing in mind the fact that both our father and stepfather are alive and well. Her next comment was confirmation that she was just fine. ‘And then I thought, oh my gosh, I would have died without grandchildren……….When I’m going to get grandchildren?’

Surely if I could just magic a man, house, kids out of thin air there would be no such thing as a singleton? I’m only twenty-eight years old. Is there really a cause for concern?

Whilst it would be nice to meet a guy who had the prospects of potentially being long term, I have no room for a chump in my life. Harsh as that may sound, why would I choose to purposefully wear out my brain with a worthless man when I can be by myself or continue to date? I am fortunate that I am surrounded by great family and friends. I’ve always known that they were there, but I realised just how lucky I am when my relationship with my ex-fiance broke up, and I had to pick up the pieces of my life. Between my job, social life, family, and time to myself I have a very full week. If I’m to allow a man into my life again in terms of an actual relationship, they must share the same values, and have qualities that make for a strong relationship. I will only adjust my life if I truly think that a man is worth it.

I have lived on my own for over two years, and whilst it’s not a permanent thing, I love it, and I think that every woman should have the opportunity to live by herself. It’s great to not have to worry about what somebody else thinks and just do things for you. Living on your own if your single can highlight your singledom like nothing else though.

I always realise I’m single when I need to hump something heavy up the stairs, fix something, put something from Ikea together, make dinners for one (almost always wastage), or when I’m unwell. When I get home late there’s nobody to give me a cuddle or waiting up for me. On the other hand when I come home with seven pairs of shoes, I don’t have to pretend that some of them were already there, or that something cost less than it did. I can watch what I like, when I like, and football and cricket scores are the least of my concerns. I don’t have to be tarted up constantly and if I feel like turning my bikini line into a jungle I can (although I wouldn’t). I go to sleep with the TV on, iron my clothes naked or in my knickers in the mornings, and luxuriate in me time.

Yes sometimes it’s not ideal, but for me it’s bloody great and when I look at my attached friends who appear as if they need an operation to be separated from their partners, I pat myself on the back for living my life the way that I want to. In years to come, I barely be able to snatch a moment beneath the piles of kids clothing to iron and skid marks to wash out of my future husbands boxers (couldn’t resist the wisecrack), I can comfort myself that I didn’t do it a day too soon, that I got wise about the dipsticks that I kept finding myself with, that I’ve had lots of me time, and that I have no regrets.

Don’t knock being single and don’t assume the grass is greener on the other side, and that couples have it better, because each lifestyle brings its own rewards and issues. In the meantime, while you’re single, revel in being you, get to know you, and make sure that you love who you are. When you do make the transition to meals for two from meals for one, you’ll find that you make better choices about who you end up in a relationship with and give your time to, and that you’re more in touch with that you want out of your relationships. See, being single has lots of benefits!

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